BFN

Well IUI #1 was a bust. I started what I guess is my period on Monday. I say I guess my period because it is the lightest period I have ever had in all my years of having a period. There is definitely blood and a small amount is bright red, but it's not enough to soak a tampon, I probably could even get away with a liner. I usually have at least 1 day of very heavy flow with lots of clots (TMI, I'm sorry!). This period is so light that I was even questioning if it was my period and had IG go out and buy me a test this morning before starting the clomid just in case (I'm a non-tester, a wait for AF kinda gal). But the test was stark white as per usual so this must be it. I have read that taking clomid can shorten and change your period, but this was a bit unexpected. It's hard to even track days because now I'm like was Monday really day 1, is this just spotting and day 1 is yet to come?? I hate that through all this I can't trust my body anymore and I second guess everything. Infertility really and truly makes one crazy in so many ways.

Regardless there is some blood so I decided to go ahead and take the clomid and just count myself as lucky to have a light, non-painful period. And hope that it doesn't mean that something else is going on in there. My ultrasound for IUI #2 is schedule for next Wednesday afternoon. My RE is out next week, but luckily they will let me see another Dr in the practice so I don't have to wait a whole month. I also had to remind the nurse that I need to come in on day 10 for the ultrasound because I ovulate on day 11 or 12, I mean I get they see a lot of people, but shouldn't you pull up and review my information before calling me back? This clinic has the highest success rates in my area, but I really don't feel like they pay good attention - so it's a good thing I do.

If my body stays on schedule IUI will probably be next Friday and then the 2ww will fall right at Christmas time which will be torture. Especially because I have one friend coming home who just had a baby and one that is just recently pregnant with her third - that she didn't even want or has room for in her house. But I'm not bitter or anything.

Hopefully this one will take, but this is a hard one for me because if it does take then the due date would be very close to Q's birthday. And I didn't really want that, in fact this time last year we avoided this month for that exact reason. Funny how different my thinking was last year compared to this year. Last year we were only 6 months into this journey now we are 18 months and 20 cycles in and at this point I don't really care when I get pregnant I just want to get pregnant again. So I hope this one will take and if not we will give IUI one more shot before moving onto something more aggressive. I know patience is the name of the game, but mine is really starting to wear thin.

In other news, we just got back yesterday from my brother-in-laws college graduation and I leave tomorrow early morning for Chicago. IG is coming to meet me on Friday to spend the weekend because we need to get away for a bit, but I hate hate hate leaving Q. I'm not even gone yet and I already miss him. I know we need to get away for our sanity, but it makes me sad. I never want to leave him. We get back on Sunday and then on Tuesday I have to fly down to Atlanta for the day. It's only a day trip, but it's first flight out last flight back so it makes for a long day. I am certainly thankful that my cycle worked in a way that all this travel didn't interfere, but it will be a miracle if I make it to Christmas without collapsing from exhaustion. Luckily I have the week of Christmas off - which will be the first week of the 2ww wait so I just need to make it to next Friday. I can do it, I can do it!