The waiting is the worst part, the absolute worst part. I'm not sure how it is possible for time to slow down so much, like it feels like it's basically stopped. And I'm not talking about the 2WW folks, I'm still just waiting to start stims and then waiting for the ER. I have finished with the birth control and now I"m just doing Lupron every morning and I keep trying to tell myself one more week, then 10 more days (hoping I only stim for 10 days) because that sounds better than 17 or more days before ER. That feels like a lifetime. Almost an entire month left to go! So I think one more week, then 10 more days. Hoping that after this week ends those 10 days will fly by. I have a Dr's appointment this Thursday to check E2 levels and do an ultrasound and then start stims on Saturday. I.Just.Need.To.Make.It.To.Saturday....without going crazy.
It feels like the second week of the 2WW. I'm completely distracted at work, I can't concentrate, I look at the calendar and message boards multiple times a day, like that will make time go faster. And to top things off, this week is going to be less crazy then a typical week because Q is done with every activity except soccer at this point. So that means I only have to run around like a crazy person today and then I have nothing else to distract me for the rest of the week.
I don't think I would be remiss to say that the waiting is the worst part. It's worse then the shots, its worse then the idea of that 1&1/2 needle going into my ass, it's worse than worrying about the amount and quality of eggs or what the retrieval will be like. Because it's waiting and waiting for all of that to happen while feeling like I'm accomplishing nothing, without knowing if things are on track or what the schedule will be. And obsessing over the timeline every second of the day just makes the day go slower. But I don't know how to stop my mind, obviously. Just one more week and then 10 more days....I can do it.
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