RE Appointment and Optimism

I had my first RE appointment last week. I think I had been building up the appointment in my head. Like on the first visit I was going to get some awe inspiring information that would magically lead me to a pregnancy. Well that didn't exactly happen. He talked to me a lot about percentages and odds. Basically telling me that a couple that has been trying for 0 months has a 15% chance of getting pregnant (that was us with Q!) and then a couple who has been trying for 12 months has a 10% chance of getting pregnant (that's us now). Ok so every month we have a 10% chance of getting pregnant, not amazing but it's not nothing. He also told me that 85% of couples get pregnant within the first year and of the remaining 15%, 85% of those get pregnant in the second year. Somehow we are tied to that 15%, must be our lucky (or unlucky) percentage? What he was trying to tell me is not to freak out that it's ok that we aren't pregnant after 12 months of trying and that we still have a good chance of achieving pregnancy. This I know, have known, the question is how we are going to get pregnant...natural or otherwise. 

He went over a lot of technically what it takes to get pregnant and what all needs to happen. I guess some people require this information, but I happened to learn that in 6th grade sex ed at good old Maple St. Elementary. He generally spoke at me rather quickly and threw a lot of information at me, but I didn't feel like he was uncaring or unconcerned. Also, he was generally very optimistic about our ability to get pregnant. He said to me that of all the couples he sees we are one of the most fertile - so I guess that's good? Also, that the HSG has been known to increase fertility for 3-4 months and I just had mine done last month.  Honestly I'm so conflicted because I want to share his optimism, I mean I should be happy that both the RE and his nurse told me they are optimistic that I would get pregnant on my own and that's good to hear. But I've heard it before - my OB told me that in December and then my GP told me that I would be pregnant in a few more months in February (I did not go to her for pregnancy/fertility related reasons, but gave medical history and told her we were actively trying to conceive - which she asked before ordering some tests). So there is that side of me that's like nothing has changed so how will the outcome change? What's going to be different these next few months that wasn't there for the past 14? 

As I type that last sentence I can't help but think about the sermon from church this past Sunday. I wasn't raised in a very religious household and always had a feeling that religion and conversvitisim (is that a word?) always went hand in hand and I'm certainly not a conservative person. But have in some ways always sought a connection to greater spirit or power. Since starting my relationship with IG we have attended church on and off in our various locations (IG was raised in religion and it is something that is very important to him and his family). We have a found a church here that is pretty modern and all though I don't agree with all their doctrines or beliefs - for example I believe people are born with their particular sexual orientation - I have found that I enjoy, even look forward to attending on Sundays. I've started to feel a real connection to a higher power and this journey has certainly put that into a perspective that I would have never otherwise had. I have blogged about that before, that conception takes more than sex or love, sperm and eggs. There is definitely a divine element to it. So, to circle back to my first sentence of this tangent, this Sunday was about walking in faith and believing in the unseen. So if all things are possible in God than having the faith that I will get pregnant again feels like it should be part of this process. If I truly believe there is a plan for me in this world and I know at the essence of my being that that includes mothering more than one child then my goal is to let go and walk in faith that the plan will come to fruition at the exact moment it is destine to. Maybe I was supposed to go the RE and hear what he has to say and to follow his advice and to keep calm and carry on. 

We are a few days into the 2WW of cycle 15 and still every cycle I have felt hope and this cycle is no different. I am still hopeful that this cycle will be our cycle. And if it's not then there will be hope next cycle and so on and so forth until the day that I hold my new miracle in my arms and kiss their lips and snuggle them in my arms. Ultimately the RE's advice is to keep trying until the fall and then if we still aren't pregnant to try 3 months of clomid (a medicine that aids in ovulation) and if that doesn't work 3 months of IUI and if that doesn't work we'll hash out another plan. So I guess when it's all said and done I'm at peace with his advice and the appointment and I was able to walk away with a piece of his optimism.